Family

Being a mother myself, I am, at times, left completely flabbergasted by the modern parent-child relationship and the failure of the institute of parenthood as a whole. I see sons spitting utter hatred and resentment in the faces of their father, I see daughters reducing their mothers to the role of an ignorant maid, I see children raising their hands, let alone voices, in front of the two most significant characters in their existence, and shockingly, I see parents accepting this deplorable reality with grim faces. Where have we come to, if the mother who gave birth and spent countless sleepless nights for our comfort, and the father who spent every waking minute tirelessly to earn for his family and provide a good life to them, are thrown on the streets as insignificant, unworthy, or undeserving of love and respect. If our society has ever, at any point in time, faced the question of whether parents are worthy of utmost regard or not, we have lost the game. And this is where the complete demolition of our social system, that we see evidently today, began.

However, being a mother, I also remember the sheer innocence in the eyes of my child the first time I held him. Everyday, I saw him absorb meanings, emotions, thoughts and beliefs to form his personality as it is today. A child, therefore, is nothing but the environment provided to him. Therefore, one can’t throw the blame of his misconduct solely on him, but, holding the society, and most importantly, the storywriters- the parents, responsible for however an individual is, at least partially, becomes an understood and harsh fact. The mother who was not able to tend to her child’s needs as he cried in fear or hunger, the father who could not put down his phone to pass a smile to his toddler learning how to ride his toy car, the mother who lost her patience on the 101th sleepless night and shook her baby in anger, or the father who couldn’t protect his daughter from unwanted eyes as he never noticed, all in their ignorance, played the most crucial part in building the lack of trust, compassion and self-esteem in the Youth we see roaming around with an epidemic of identity crisis and moral decline.

Parenthood-easily the most daunting job, with repercussions that go beyond generations, has unfortunately been misjudged, undervalued and misunderstood in the importance it was meant to have for a successful life, personal or professional, for every person. Bonding with your children since day 1 and inculcating hope, independence, creativity and self-worth is the most honorable task one can do, and the greatest gift one can offer to the society. The smallest acts leave the greatest impact, hence, it is essential to note which acts to engage in to leave a profound effect on the personality of our children, in a wholly positive way, to save our and their future. The day we realize what parenthood was ought to be, and we assign the effort into doing justice to that role, that day we just might be able to regain the social system that once was.

A man is raised with the image of being the unemotional, distant, breadwinner of his family. The alpha male is often revered in our society as unexpressive and strong in his ability to hide all feelings, good or bad, or not feel them at all. In this persona taught to our sons and brothers, directly or indirectly, we often paint the idea of an ideal father as the ultimate provider, maintainer, sustainer for his family – all good and positive traits, however, missing the key role of the guider, protector, advisor. So fathers set out for their journey of working their blood and sweat for more and more provision for their families, everyday, every minute, focused on their sole purpose of making sure all needs are met and wishes granted. Unfortunately, these needs and wishes are often limited to fancy vacations, latest gadgets, expensive schools, grande house and luxury living, seldom involving family dinners, father son football matches, heart to heart conversations, hands-on bonding activities and sharing of life lessons. In this terrible mistake, the father, despite his most dedicated efforts to building a strong family foundation, is left with children who slowly grow apart from him, year by year widening the gap of trust and understanding everytime another important life decision went unattended by their role model, or a significant event was missed by their hero figure.

And now we see a society where the generation differences between children and parents are mindboggling, in the ambience of mistrust, disrespect and misunderstandings, this once sacred relationship is now tainted with fights, arguments and an incredibly disheartening feel of emptiness.

As a consequence, like a traveller without a compass, these children are living their misguided lives one mistake at a time, indulging in immoral, unethical, media-driven values, following the wrongs and evils of the society which is completely and utterly parent-less. A society, financially developed, technologically advanced, however, morally corrupt, uncivilized, principally vacant, and easily fooled by the surrounding pressures, is the perfect replication of the reality of every household today.

Fatherhood, in its attempt to provide, has failed massively, to provide a safe, comfortable, clean environment to its offspring, and so, who was meant to be a beautiful teacher, is now no longer any more than a money-making machine, treated with the same love and respect, as he has unknowingly imparted.

Divorce. Separation. Unhappy Marriages. Late Marriages. The Torment of Rishta Hunting. Fights and Abuse. Here are some of the many ills this society is drowning in due to the collapse of the Marriage Institution. We are driven by images, stories and fantasies of the media to search for a happy ever after amidst a havoc of reality which is, instead, filled with horrifying tales of love that never is or never lasts. Can marriages be salvaged and can those hoping for a happy ending, actually get one?

The hope lies in between dream and destruction where our fantasies are tainted by a hint of reality but not completely extinguished from the mere possibility of finding a fairytale ending. In this hope there is a lot of understanding, growth and trust in the strength of the relationship of marriage. Unfortunately, deep within, most of us all, if not all, have lost faith in the institution of marriage, which hence, plays out for itself in the negativity we attach to it, only furthering our wrong beliefs. If, instead, we hop onto the wagon of Faith and see the goodness that can lie in marriage, we can take the first step towards finding our soulmate, in our current or future spouse.

Secondly, it is necessary to fully grasp and digest the meaning of a marriage which goes beyond candle night dinners and chocolate fountains, a happy marriage is hidden in those tiny moments of silence, the unexplained understandings and complimentary opportunities of growth. It is when someone allows you to reach your highest potential, that he becomes indispensable, because you are better off with them than without. Therefore, it is necessary to work towards becoming that beacon of light for your partner to let the romantic story write itself, with time.