Holistic Health and Living

Factual

Factual, Family, Health

Wrong Rat Race

rat race

“Sorry, she is busy in her studies”, “You know how difficult the education has gotten for these children nowadays, she won’t be able to take out time for anything else”, “If only she could get all As, her life will be smooth sailing from there” – a numbered few quintessential phrases we get to hear from those driven, hardworking parents who want to see their children rise to success and stardom. Unfortunately, I have yet to hear “I wish she becomes the best mother one can be”, “If only I could find a place which would teach her to play her roles right”, “Women are the makers of generations to come, I will invest all time and efforts into teaching her the art of life, that’s the most important subject she needs to excel in”.

These thoughts are only hymns of my dreams, of a world where parents will stop running in the wrong rat race, both for their sons and daughters, where grades, numbers and rankings start defining how “good” a child is. Children are taught nothing about living a life, but all about making a living. In the midst of continuous competitions to be better than the girl next door, we often forget to ask ‘better in what’?, and there we get stuck in the vicious cycle of following the crowd, and finding no escape but in being like anyone else.

Step out of this entangled web which goes nowhere. Breathe. Choose to become the decision makers in your child’s life, and don’t be misguided by the pressures of the world. Do you want more degrees, which are laminated pieces of paper signed by an individual with a bigger degree than your child’s, often highlighting knowledge which becomes information as the years pass by and we stop implementing our learnings into every moment of our existence. Or would you prefer life skills which is knowledge that becomes wisdom with time and experience, a significant part of every step your child takes in her life. If this rat race was to develop, improve, better us, would we not to be standing as better humans beings, more civil, ethical, morally upright? But the state of affairs of mankind has deteriorated tremendously, and we stand today as worse but more ‘educated’ than before.
Think. Choose. Decide.

What race will your child be running?

Verita – Art of Living Institute is an initiative aimed to improving the quality of life in all arenas with the tools provided to us from religion, human behavior and social sciences.

Factual, Family, Hope

Wake Up Parents!

wake up parents

I am a new mother. A mother of a beautiful baby girl whose every smile and every cry defines the movement of every cell in my body. Her pain fills every inch with an inconsolable ache, and her laugh removes the slightest grief and sorrow from the core of my existence. This new phase of life called motherhood has introduced me to the emotion called love unlike ever before -something which can be so incredibly consuming, overwhelming, exhausting, draining yet persistent.In this new experience, I wonder, how can a mother want anything but the supremely best for her child. How can she even imagine something below this standard and not work tirelessly to move mountains if she must to provide more and more for the love of her life. And then I look outside the secure windows of my home, and see the gruesome reality that lies in front of me – the life of young girls which is no less than horrible and terrifying. I cannot put my mind to think other than that their parents must be completely unaware and ignorant of a better life that is achievable, otherwise I would not see girls broken beyond belief roaming the streets with smiles plastered across their faces because they think they cannot have better.

Girls too scared to be themselves, girls entirely unaware of who they are, girls killing themselves to conform to societal standards, girls caught up in the vicious rat race of being more beautiful, more powerful, more acceptable, more likable, more of everything they need never care about, and forgetting about becoming more moral, more compassionate, more kind, more accepting, more loving, more caring, more influential, more helping, more peaceful.

When is the last time we sat our daughters down and told them they are unique and perfect just the way they are, and they don’t need to follow the latest fashion trends or obsess over media superstars to become better women, better mothers, better daughters – better human beings! Why are our girls running after degrees to become self-sufficient and self-reliant when they should be working on becoming self-loving and well-groomed? Why has arrogance become ‘cool’ and manners ‘run out of fashion’? Why has healthy eating been mistaken for dieting and obesity become a widespread disease? Where has the ethics, the empathy, the everlasting humanity gone?

Think about it…

Factual, Informational

Men vs. Women

men vs momen

Nowadays we are surrounded by this preposterous notion that men and women are quite similar in their physical, emotional and mental capabilities and need to be understood likewise as well. The horror of this ignorant thought has led me to write a brief introduction to one of the longest and strongest clash that has remained since the beginning of time, that between men and women. The clash that has manifested itself in the form an epitome of disasters, divorces and declines in all possible relationships, is also, unfortunately, the one that has been offered the least amount of effort and time into solving and understanding it. The question is, why? Why have we managed to, foolishly, think time and again that men and women have nothing different in their various forms of makeup and like a woman needs to understand a fellow woman, the same rules and logic can apply to men as well? Why have we led ourselves into this cycle of ignorance that has cost us our health, our happiness and every minute of our lives spent with another person from the opposite gender?

Have we never pondered over the stark differences which are hidden in plain slight? For instance, why is that women talk so much, especially when they are stressed out? Why do men always jump to a solution without bothering to listen first? Why are women driven by emotions while men view every act as a mission to achieve? What do women really mean when they say something? What makes a man feel needed and happy? What motivates a man to become what he is ought to be and what completely destroys his self esteem? How can you make a woman feel loved and appreciated? How can one situation be perceived so differently by these two and what matters the most to each one of them? I’m sure one or two of the abovementioned would have crossed your minds at one point or another when a normal conversation suddenly turned into an unexpected argument and left the two parties in an utter state of confusion over the matter.

The answer is simple. We belong to two entirely different planets and the first step to better relationships and understanding is this realization. Men have been made for a purpose different to that of women, and in this different roles they are to perform, lies the differences in their reasons of happiness, ways of dealing with difficult circumstances, motivational factors, so on and so forth. For instance, while a woman is happiest when she has managed to obtain success in various relationships around her through love, care and appreciation, a man’s success lies in his ability to fulfil his role as a provider and maintainer of his household. This crucial difference is particularly significant during communication and relationship building with the opposite gender, let it be a husband, a brother, a father, a son or even a teacher. Similarly, while women find ‘talking’ as the best mechanism of fostering good relationships with another person, men rather prefer ‘doing things’ as a better way of achieving the same. The next time you want to get closer to your father, don’t sit down to talk for hours with him, but join him when he’s cleaning his car, or fixing things around the house. Lend him a helping hand, because playing even the tiniest role in helping him achieve his goal for the day will bring you both closer.

Now ask yourself, is it possible to manage good relationships without understanding the differences which are, quite accurately, the building blocks lying beneath? If the wrong building blocks are placed, the relationship will remain shaky and weak forever. However, if the footing is strong, these relationships have the potential to grow to greatness that we have yet to experience.

Factual, Hope, Informational, Success Lessons

Discover Yourself

marriage

ایک ریسرچ کے مطابق پچھلے بیس سال میں اپنے کیرئیر سے مطمئن لوگوں کی تعداد میں80 فیصد کمی ہوئی ہے۔ 70 فیصد سے زیادہ لوگ اپنے کام سے متعلق ذہنی دباؤ کا شکار ہیں اور یہ ذہنی دباؤ ان کیلئے جسمانی اور نفسیاتی صحت کے حوالے سے مسائل پیدا کر رہا ہے۔
54 فیصد لوگ یہ سمجھتے ہیں کہ وہ اپنے قریبی عزیزوں سے اپنے کام کی ٹینشن کی وجہ سے لڑتے ہیں۔
60 فیصد لوگ اتنے زیادہ نا خوش ہیں کہ وہ ایک نیا کیرئیر بنانے کی option پر غور کر رہے ہیں۔
یہ سب مغرب کی ریسرچ ہے لیکن اگر آپ غور کریں توہمارے ہاں بھی صورتحال اس سے کچھ مختلف نہیں ہے۔ ہمارے معاشرے میں بھی لوگ کام سے تنگ ہیں،نفسیاتی مریض بن رہے ہیں ،اپنے اردگرد کے لوگوں پر غصہ اتارتے ہیں۔ اور بات بے بات پھٹ پڑنے کے لیے تیار رہتے ہیں۔ فرسٹریشن کا یہ level اس بات کو ظاہر کرتا ہے کہ کام اور کیرئیر لوگوں کیلیئے راحت اور آسانی کی بجائے تکالیف اور مشکلات کاسبب بن چکے ہیں۔
اگر آپ تھوڑا غور کریں تو اس کی وجوہات باہر نہیں ہمارے اندر ہیں۔ہم بھیڑ چال کو پسند کرتے ہیں لیڈر بننے کی بجائے کسی کے پیچھے چلنا ہمیں آسان لگتا ہے۔ہم کیرئیر منتخب کرتے وقت فیصلہ اس بنیاد پر کرتے ہیں کہ سکوپ کس ڈگری کا ہے پیسہ کس فیلڈ میں زیادہ کمایا جاسکتا ہے اچھا لائف سٹائل کس پروفیشن میں جانے سے مل سکتا ہے۔ اور یہیں سے ہماری تباہی اور بربادی کا آغاز ہوتا ہےاور باقی ساری زندگی ہم کولہو کے بیل کی طرح اسی غلط فیصلے کو نبھاتے ہوئے گزارتے ہیں۔
یاد رکھیے ! اللہ تعالٰی نے ہر انسان کو مختلف ، Special اور Unique بنایا ہےاور اسے مختلف Skills اور Abilities دے کر اس دنیا میں بھیجا ہے۔ ان خداداد صلاحیتوں پر مستزاد انسان کی اپنی کچھ اقدار اور کچھ شوق ہیں جو لوگ اپنا کیرئیر بناتے ہوئے اپنی خداداد صلاحیتوں ، اپنی اقدار اور اپنے شوق کو مدنظر رکھتے ہیں وہ اپنے کام کی وجہ سے نہ تو کبھی ذہنی دباؤ کا شکار ہوتے ہیں نہ وہ اپنے کا م سے تھکتے ہیں اور نہ یہ کام انہیں چڑچڑا بناتا ہے بلکہ اپنا شوق پورا ہونے کی وجہ سے ان کی خوشی اور اطمینان میں اضافہ ہوتا ہے۔
اس بات کو مثال سے یو ں سمجھیے کہ ایک انسان کو اللہ تعالٰی نے لوگوں سے پیار اور محبت کرنے کی صلاحیت سے نوازا ہو وہ دوسروں کے احساسات کو سمجھتا ہو اور ان کی مدد کرنے پر آمادہ ہو تو ایسے انسان کیلئیے آئیڈیل شعبہ کونسا ہے یقیناً ایسا کہ جس میں وہ اپنی انہی صلاحیتوں کو Practice کرسکے ۔ جیسا کہ میڈیکل کا پروفیشن یا Social Service کا کیرئیر وغیرہ ۔ اس کے مقابلے میں ایک ایسا شخص جس کے مزاج میں لوگو ں سے ہمدردی کی بجائے عدل پسندی اور اصول پرستی کے اوصاف غالب ہوں تو اس کیلیے آئیڈیل شعبہ عدلیہ ، قانون ، انصاف اور پولیس وغیرہ ہوگا۔ ایسے دونوں لوگ اپنے اپنے شعبوں میں بہترین کام کرتے ہونگے ان کی ترقی کے مواقع زیادہ ہونگے اور مادی طور پر دیکھا جائے تو پیسے بھی زیادہ کما سکیں گے۔آپ اپنے آپ سے پوچھیے آپ کس ڈاکٹر کے پاس جانا پسند کریں گے جو آپ کی بات کو توجہ سے سنے، آپ کے احساسات کو سمجھے اور پھر آپکو دوا تجویز کرے یا اسکے پاس جو آپ کی بات بھی ٹھیک سے نہ سنےاور نسخہ آپ کے ہاتھ میں پکڑا کر آپ کو چلتا کرے۔ اسی طرح یقینا ًآپ عدلیہ اور قانون میں ان لوگو ں کو پسند کریں گے جو لوگ اصول پسند ہوں ، انصاف کرنے والے ہوں اور فیصلہ کرتے وقت مجرم کے حالات کو دیکھنے کی بجائے اُسکے جرم کے معاشرے پر اثرات کو مدنظر رکھیں۔
اب اوپر دی گئی مثال کو الٹ کر لیجیے۔ایسا بندہ جو عدل پسند ہو وہ میڈیکل میں چلا جائے اور رحم اور پیار محبت والا عدلیہ میں تو کیسی صورتحال ہوگی۔ عدل پسند ڈاکٹر کے سامنےکوئی ایکسیڈنٹ کا مریض آئے تو وہ یہ سوچے گا کہ اچھا ہوا جسطرح کے یہ کام کرتا ہے اس کا ایکسیڈنٹ ہی ہونا چاہیے۔دوسری جانب ایسا بندہ جو دل کا نرم ہے اگر جج بن جائے تو وہ سزا دینے سے پہلے یہ سوچے گا کہ اس مجرم کے چھوٹے چھوٹے بچے ہیں اس کے جیل جانے کے بعد اسکی فیملی کا کیا ہوگا وغیرہ وغیرہ۔نتیجتاً معاشرہ ایسی ہی افراتفری کا شکار ہوگا جو ہمیں اپنے اردگرد نظر آتی ہے۔
کیرئیر کا انتخاب کرتے وقت اپنے اندر ضرور جھانکیے اگر آپ بہت زیادہ disciplined ہیں تو آپ کیلیئے آرمی میں جانا مناسب ہے اگر آپ کو زیادہ باتیں کرنے کا شوق ہے تو ٹیچنگ ، سیلز اور مارکیٹنگ جیسے شعبوں کا انتخاب بہتر ہے۔اگر آپ شرمیلے اور کم گو ہیں تو ایسی فیلڈ میں جائیے جہاں آپ کا لوگوں سے واسطہ کم پڑے۔اگر آپ میں تخلیقی صلاحیتیں ہیں تو آرٹ اور ڈیزائن اچھی choice ہوسکتے ہیں۔اگر آپ حقائق پسند اور عملیت کو اہمیت دینے والے ہیں تو ریاضی اورمعاشیات کو دیکھیے۔ اگر آپ کے نزدیک ایمانداری کی اہمیت ہے تو کسی ایسی جاب پر مت جائیے جہاں آپ کو بےایمانی اور کرپشن کا سامنا ہو اگر respect اور freedom کو اہمیت دیتے ہیں تو جاب کرنا ایک اچھی آپشن نہیں ہے۔
یہ کچھ اشارے ہیں جو آپکی رہنمائی کے لیے دیے گئے ہیں فیصلہ کرتے وقت اپنی ذات کا تفصیلی تجزیہ کیجیے اپنے آپ سے بار بار سوال پوچھیے کہ اللہ تعالٰی نے آپکو کس کام کیلئیے بنایا ہے اور آپکی زندگی کا مقصد کیا ہے۔ ایک بار آپ کو مقصد مل جا ئے تو زندگی سہل ہوجاتی ہے اور الجھنیں ختم ہو جا تی ہے مقصد منزل کی طرح ہوتا ہے جس مسافر کو اپنی منزل معلوم ہو وہ کبھی نہ کبھی اس پر پہنچ ہی جاتا ہے اور بے منزل مسافر ساری زندگی سڑکوں پر گزار دیتاہے اور کہیں پہنچ نہیں پاتا۔
کیا آپکو اپنی منزل معلوم ہے؟
کیاآپکو اپنا مقصد زندگی معلوم ہے؟
کہیں آپ اپنی زندگی راستوں میں بھٹکتے ہوئے تو نہیں گزار دینگے؟
کہیں آپ بے منزل مسافر تو نہیں بن جائیں گے؟
.زندگی ایک ہی بار ملتی ہے اسے اپنے غلط تجربوں اور دوسروں کی غلط خواہشات کی بھینٹ مت چڑھائیے
Factual, Informational

Marriages in 21st Century

marriage

Surrounded by an accelerated downfall of the relationship that was to build and hold our society together, nowadays, we see the deterioration of families brick by brick into dysfunctional, broken and unhappy individuals. The glue which was to tie systems together has now withered away and we are left with an unfortunate fate of our social system.Marriages, much like the preparation of the grande celebrations of weddings, last merely for a matter of months. Those which do linger on for longer, encompass a certain reluctant acceptance of what has happened, in the shattered hopes of making the best of the worst. Why have we come to this desperation where marriage is no longer looked forward to as a beautiful journey of love, understanding and growth, but rather, as a forceful binding of two individuals who will fight, argue, cry and hurt, and that’s considered perfectly normal?

Look around yourself! Marriage has become a change in name, a change in house and a change in status, but no longer a change in life, in happiness or in self. Two individuals living under the same roof binded by a contract of ’till death do us part’ cannot possibly be considered the torchbearers of an entire institution which was to form harmony in the society, unless they become pieces of a puzzle – only complete once with each other.

Unfortunately, this notion of a ‘better half’ has been replaced with ‘I do’t need a man/woman to complete me’ and off we all go in the desperate attempts of playing the roles of both, killing ourselves in the process but never admitting to our natural weakness. A marriage which was supposed to be between a man and a woman, two halves coming together as one, is now seen to be between one individual and another individual, two ones coming together as…nothing, and so we go for the inevitable – divorce or separation. Remember, a divorce is not necessarily a documented event to take place, a divorce can be emotional, mental and spiritual when a legally married couple starts living independently from one another even if in the same house.

I ask you. What is the hidden, underlying, all-encompassing reason behind this gradual shredding of the fabric of our society? What has caused this unfortunate series of events to take place which has given birth to a current state of affairs that are disgustingly reprehensible? What has led to the present downfall of everything love and life stood for? And most importantly, what has happened to our people who no longer see the wrong in this disastrous situation?

Ladies and Gentlemen, the answer is in a simple verse of the Holy Quran where Satan says:

“…and indeed I will order them to change the nature created by Allah.”

Al – Quran (4:119)

What nature has been changed by us and how are we falling victim to the trap created by the enemy of our Creator?

“And surely, We have created many of the jinns and mankind for Hell. They have hearts wherewith they understand not, they have eyes wherewith they see not, and they have ears wherewith they hear not (the truth). They are like cattle, nay even more astray; those! They are the heedless ones.”

Al – Quran (7:179)

Look around and Think!

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