motherhood

A prestigious degree draped over my shoulders, countless certificates and awards to my name, and excellence in my field of living day to day counseling others on matters of life, I carried along my name a confidence, a will and knowledge which minimized otherwise troublesome nuances of life into beautiful opportunities of growth, allowing me to shine brighter and prove myself further. Not a subject in school could I not master, not a competition in university I could not win, not a person in life I could not move with my words as poise as poetry, and as powerful as prayer. I could do it all, right?

2016. A New Chapter of Life. A new challenge, a new chance to outdo all others. I entered into a phase which had long been presented in its glory, glamour and horror. I had seen mothers in tears, in fury and in shattered pieces trying to make their way through a haunted, thorny path- Motherhood. But me? Oh please, I would set an unprecedented standard of perfection here as well. As the bubble of my picture perfect life burst right at my face, reality hit me harder than my mother’s chappal.

Unaware, ill-equipped and unprepared. No degree, certificate or award could sooth my strained eyes from all those sleepless nights, rejuvenate my drained body from continuous nursing, or freshen up the killer stench of countless diapers. I was taught rationalization, my baby cried for no reason. I was taught one-click convenience, my baby survived on my patience. I was taught self-focus and self-grooming, my baby was the centre of my attention. And suddenly, all my pride fell flat on the floor. I was completely clueless for the first time in my life.

One moment, and you hear that first cry. From a wife, a daughter, a friend, you become, a mother. One moment and your life is no longer yours. Every word you utter, thought you wonder, feeling you muster, is a chalk on a blackboard. Your child is the product of everything you could be forgiven for before, but now, will be shown as a reflection through your little one, for generations to come. A role so significant, so worthy, so difficult, yet, so ignored. With every tear that rolls down my cheek when I feel I can no longer gather the energy to move forward the way I ought to for the betterment of my child, with every sleepless night that passes and exhausts me further, my respect for womanhood and all those fortunate enough to be a part of it, only multiplies. Motherhood – what a wonderful rollercoaster ride.